Over the past month or so, I've engaged in conversation with friends on the topic of singleness, dating, waiting well, marriage, and the unique roles that men and women play in the process. I've received a lot of great thoughts, and if you're reading this, would love to hear yours.
Processing these thoughts with my roommates, we've discussed how challenging it can be as a single woman to wait for a man to lead well in these areas. However, as I've listened to my male friends, I've realized that there are equal challenges from their perspective! From the
female perspective, waiting well doesn't mean waiting around. It means living, pursuing the Lord whole-heartedly,and becoming godly women who invest in the lives of others. It does not mean fretting about our singleness, questioning what we are doing wrong, or going to great lengths to gain the interest of men. I am so thankful I have so many wonderful women in my life who have set an example for me, and lovely single friends with whom I walk through this season.
This is not some new concept with which my friends and I are wrestling. For ages, women have asked these same questions, and it's natural to do so. I can't wait to experience the joys of being a wife and mother! But this season too is a gift, meant to be used well and not wasted by wishing for future seasons. As I've been pondering these things, I came across a beautiful piece of literature speaking directly to these thoughts.
One of my favorite stories of all time is Little Women, written by Louisa May Alcott. I picked it up to read again during the Christmas holiday, and have been so encouraged by all it's little lessons. In the following excerpt, Mrs. March is sharing her greatest hopes for her four daughters with the eldest two, Meg and Jo. She says,
"I want my daughters to be beautiful, accomplished, and good; to be admired, loved, and respected; to have a happy youth, to be well and wisely married, and to lead useful, pleasant lives, with as little care and sorrow to try them as God sees fit to send. To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing which can happen to a woman, and I sincerely hope my girls may know this beautiful experience. It is natural to think of it, Meg, right to hope and wait for it, and wise to prepare for it, so that when the happy time comes, you may feel ready for the duties and worthy of the joy. My dear girls, I am ambitious for you, but not to have you make a dash in the world- marry rich men merely because they are rich, or have splendid houses, which are not homes because love is wanting. Money is a needful and precious thing- and, when well used, a noble thing- but I never want you to think it is the first or only prize to strive for. I'd rather see you poor men's wives, if you were happy, beloved, contented, than queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace.""Poor girls don't stand any chance, Belle says, unless they put themselves forward," sighed Meg."Then we'll be old maids," said Jo stoutly."Right, Jo; better to be happy old maids than unhappy wives, or unmaidenly girls, running about to find husbands," said Mrs. March decidedly. "Don't be troubled, Meg, poverty seldom daunts a sincere lover. Some of the best and most honored women I know were poor girls, but so love-worthy that they were not allowed to be old maids. Leave these things to time, make this home happy, so that you may be fit for homes of your own, if they are offered you, and contented here if they are not."
I hope this is as encouraging to you as it was to me. Ladies, let us learn the secret of being content and practice the art of patience. Let us not go chasing a man, even in our hearts, lest we become "unmaidenly girls." Let us trust the Lord for His best, and not settle, becoming unhappy wives. I know one of the greatest gains is to be considered love-worthy, and one does not become love-worthy by trying, but by trusting. Let us make the homes we have happy ones, whether we live with our parents, roommates, or alone. And let us always give love first, without the expectation of its return. So much to learn and apply from a simple story of four sisters!
