In this season of fund raising I have been challenged by the concept of asking. Why is it so hard to ask for help? Is it because it's humbling? Or because we're afraid of rejection? Or afraid of how we will be perceived by others? Or maybe because in our independent society, we have been raised to believe we're always supposed to make it on our own without the help of others, and if we ask, we appear weak or needy. Maybe it's some mixture of all of these.
So when it comes to fund raising, we have to move beyond each of these obstacles and ask. If we don't, we won't get very far. We must start by asking the Lord in prayer to provide for our needs, and then we must ask our friends to provide the means to this end. Yikes. That is scary.
We're studying Nehemiah in my small group here in town, and it has been the perfect study in this season. So far, chapters 1 and 2 have been such an encouragement. In the first chapter, we see Nehemiah's heart for God and his dependence on him in prayer as he is moved into action to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. We also begin to observe his character in the face of opposition in chapter 2- he is humble, yet so bold. After praying for months (yes, four months), Nehemiah is finally given an opportunity to approach the king about this venture. Even though in this moment he became "dreadfully afraid," he didn't back away in fear. He prayed to the Lord and then boldly asked the king to let him rebuild the walls, and then he asked him for materials and protection. The king granted Nehemiah everything he asked for.
What if Nehemiah had chosen to keep quiet instead of asking the king for what God had instructed him to do? Nothing would have happened and Nehemiah would have been disobedient to God. And as he began this work, Nehemiah made a plan: he prayed and trusted God to provide, but he didn't sit idly around waiting for something to happen- he worked hard to put the plans of God into action. So it must be with us.
James 4:2 says, "You do not have, because you do not ask." How often is this true for us? How often do I miss out on something simply because I fail to ask for it? There are so many times we cannot or will not receive unless we ask, and too frequently we resist asking because of fear. Matthew 7:7-11 says this:
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
God has so many good gifts in store for us, but we miss out all too often when we don't ask. And what father does not delight in giving good gifts to his children? So much more then does our Heavenly Father! Oh, how it delights Him when we come to Him with empty hands asking for them to be filled. He may not always fill them in the way or with what we expected, but His gifts are always good.
So when it comes to funding, yes, we must ask. But it is a chance to invite our friends into trusting the Lord with us to provide for them as well as they make a sacrifice. And in turn, we both get to witness the miracle of how God creates much out of little!
I did the math (yes, I am a nerd and a math major) with my financial partners in ministry: 87% of them gave after I approached them in some form for support. And God provided 100% of what I needed last year through these friends. But how would He have provided if I wasn't obedient to follow and bold to ask? I can't give an answer for that.
The most common command in Scripture is this: "Do not fear." Thirty five times in the English Standard Version God says, "Do not fear," 7 times He says, "Do not be dismayed," 33 times He says, "Do not be afraid," 7 times He commands us to "Take courage" or "Be courageous," and 10 times he says, "Be strong and courageous." I think God is trying to communicate something to us...
I hope this encourages all you out there who are trusting the Lord to provide this summer. Just remember to pray, trust, and ask.
Two years. It's hard to believe it's been two years today since my mom passed away. It's one of those things that feels like it happened a million years ago, and yesterday, at the same time. I still miss her. Just the other night I was driving back to my house and I suddenly had the urge to pick up the phone and call her. Whenever I was in the car it was a good time to call mom and catch up, but I can't do that anymore, and it's strange when that hits me. I'm still learning this new "normal."
I spent some time this morning reflecting on how I feel and all the work God has done in my heart over the past two (plus) years, and I was reminded of a hymn. "It is Well with My Soul" was written by Horatio Spafford after he experienced tremendous loss in his life. He and his wife had five children: one son and four daughters. At the age of four, his only son developed scarlet fever and passed away. A year later, Spafford lost all of his estate and life savings in the great Chicago Fire. Two years following these trials, he and his wife and four daughters planned to take a holiday in Europe. Spafford was detained for a few days by business, but sent his family ahead of him. While at sea, there was an accident and the boat that Mrs. Spafford and her daughters were on sank quickly, leaving her as the lone survivor among her family. On his way to Europe to bring his wife home, Spafford passed over the very spot where the accident occurred, and where his four daughters died. It was here at sea that he wrote the words to this hymn:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul! And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.
What an incredible loss; another Job of sorts. He wrote those words from a heart full of grief, but also full of hope in Christ. I can understand Spafford's broken heart, but I haven't always been able to understand how he could say those words. This hymn has a history in my story as well. Two and a half years ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and underwent a major operation (called the Whipple procedure) to remove the cancerous part of her pancreas. While she was in the hospital, it was my responsibility to check in on my grandma who lived 5 minutes down the road. She was a very independent and spunky woman (and still is!), but my mom was concerned that she wouldn't handle her being in the hospital very well.
Two days after the surgery, I went over to pick my grandmother up to take her to visit my mom at the hospital. I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I called her phone, and she didn't pick up. Right away I knew something was wrong, so I ran around to her bedroom window and peeked inside to see her stumbling around confused, hair disheveled, with one shoe missing. I had no key to her house with me, and yelled for her to go to the front door and let me in. And then I called 911. The paramedics arrived and we finally got into the house. They could tell me right away that my grandmother suffered a stroke and needed to be rushed to the emergency room. I told them that my mom was already in the hospital and to take her there, and I would follow behind. But they told me there was no room for her at that hospital, and they needed to take her to another one.
So here I was alone in Ft. Myers with my mom in the ICU of one hospital and my grandmother in the ICU of another. My mom was unconscious and my grandmother drifting in and out. I spent the night (and the next 3 weeks) driving from one hospital to the other. I have never felt so alone and so small as I did that first night.
After what seemed like the longest day and night of my entire life, I left the hospital to return to an empty house. "Empty" doesn't even begin to describe what it felt like. It must have been midnight as I lay crying on the floor, literally crying my heart out. I received a phone call, and as this person tried to console and comfort my broken heart, he reminded me of this hymn. I remember how much those words hurt in that moment, because I couldn't honestly say them. I yelled, "But it is NOT well with my soul!" And it wasn't.
I looked back in my journal today of what I recorded the following morning. I cried out to God, "I can't spend much time with you now, though I need it. My soul needs you...It's not well with my soul right now. Be my strength, because I have none. Let it be well with my soul, Lord."
So much has happened since I wrote those words. A lot of hard and painful things. It has taken years to reach a point in my life where I am able to say, though most often with tears, that it is well with my soul. What I've learned is that circumstances don't have to be agreeable, life doesn't have to be easy, in order to be able to say with confidence, "It is well with my soul." Why? because Christ "hath shed His own blood for my soul." That fact always remains true. No matter what the circumstances may be, Christ never changes. My soul rejoices; not because things are 'all better,' because they aren't. I still very much miss my mom and have many things to work through. But the hope I have, I have in Christ. And today, because of this, I can say It is well with my soul.
I recently read a book titled Life of the Beloved, by Henri J. M. Nouwen. It's a small book, but is overflowing with Truth concerning our identity in Christ. I would highly recommend it to anyone needing this reminder. In it, Nouwen is writing to a non-believing friend, trying to explain to him in simple terms what it means to be a Christian. He writes this in response to the persisting questions of self-worth:
Beneath all my seemingly strong self-confidence there remained the question: "If all those who shower me with so much attention could see me and know me in my innermost self, would they still love me?" That agonizing question, rooted in my inner shadow, kept persecuting me and made me run away from the very place where that quiet voice calling me the Beloved could be heard.
I think you understand what I'm talking about. Aren't you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don't you often hope: "May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire." But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burn-out. This is the way to spiritual death.
Well, you and I don't have to kill ourselves. We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, souses, children, and friends loved or wounded us. That's the truth of our lives. That's the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That's the truth spoken by the voice that says, "You are my Beloved."
Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say: "I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own as I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse... yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one." Nouwen, pg 35-37
Friends, you are the Beloved. If you are questioning who you are or to whom you belong, your answer lies here. I know I ask those questions frequently, but Christ paid the highest cost to provide for us the answer. Let us praise God and claim this truth for our lives!
