To the Dollar, to the Day

Well, it's summer time. You know what that means! Food, fun, friends...and funding. How can I explain how I feel about fund raising? I guess it's sort of a love-hate relationship.

I hate how it causes me to stress- about the future, ministry, finances, my calling. I hate when my focus shifts off of God and onto the goal to raise. I hate the lies that surface every time I sit down to work on fund raising. I hate the fears it causes to swell up inside of me. I hate that feeling in my gut as soon as I pick up the phone. I hate the waiting game!

How, then, is it possible for me to love this process too? I love the stories I get to share, the lives I get to be a part of, the people I get to pray for, the miracles I get to witness. I love the friends I get to catch up with. I love the opportunity to depend wholly on God to provide. I love the challenge I experience in fund raising. The faith challenge, when the impossible becomes possible. I love how it pushes me to the edge (no pun intended) of myself. I love how God uses this as a tool to carve out new depths of trust in my heart. I love watching Him work, leaving me utterly speechless. I love that no matter how hard I work, it's never me that makes it happen. It's Him, always Him.

Obviously the good outweighs the bad, but this process is still difficult. To all my EDGE friends, be encouraged: the Lord provides. I wanted to share one story to encourage our hearts.

Last summer, as I embarked for the first time on this fund raising journey, I felt humbled but certain that God had called me to this and that He would provide. I was so encouraged by my friends' love and support, and how the gifts started coming in. It was a slow process, slower than some, and I began to wonder why the Lord wasn't providing what it was I needed in order to be on campus full time. I had to pull back and reduce my budget, and was at first very discouraged. Though that's not what I had planned, I knew that in this, too, God was calling me to trust Him.

It felt like this was the most unloving thing God could do to me: call me into full time ministry, to leave behind everything, and then not provide for me. But I didn't know the future; what at the time seemed so unloving, was actually the most loving thing God could have done for me. When my personal life took a nose dive with the loss of my grandfather and my dad in the same week, I had freedom to say no to certain things, time to grieve and heal.

"He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me."
Psalm 18:19

He gave me the gift of space. He wasn't withholding anything good from me. Though at the time I thought I knew how it was supposed to look and what my needs were, God knew so much more. He rescued me because he delighted in me.

I continued to raise support throughout the whole year, gifts continually coming in, many of them surprising me. I lost count of how many times I looked online or opened a letter with a check and my jaw nearly hit the floor. I crept slowly closer to my budget, by the grace of God. About a month ago, we wrapped up ministry on campus as students finished their finals and headed home for summer. I had 4 trips to take in 3 weeks; my car was packed and I was ready to hit the road. I opened my computer to check my email and decided to check my gifts online as well. God did the impossible. On my very last day in Tallahassee, I had a couple unexpected gifts. I entered them in, and would you believe I reached 100% of my budget? I serve a mighty and faithful God. He provided everything I needed, to the dollar, to the day.

Of course, now with the funding year beginning all over, I'm starting at the bottom again. Discouraged? Not at all. The Lord saw me to 100% only a month ago. It took all year, but that meant that every single day I was depending on Him to provide, and I have full confidence that He will do it again. Though, when it comes to His provision, I've learned not to put God in a box. Here's to another year of witnessing miracles!

If you would like to give online, follow this secure link to my personal Navigator staff page: http://www.navigators.org/us/staff/dempsey.

Summer Plans

Hey all! I thought I'd give an update on the summer.

The school year finished well. It is amazing to look back over the year and praise God for all of the great things He did and provided. I was so blessed to be able to meet with 3-4 students on a regular basis. I thought I would introduce you to a few of them so that you can be praying for them this summer.

Hannah. Hannah, a junior, and I met last summer at the student leadership retreat, and learned that we would be co-leading a freshman Bible study together in Kellum, a dorm on campus. She is the student "insider" I've partnered with to meet and minister to the freshman women in Kellum. What a year it has been! We have both learned so much about God, his word, leadership, and freshman girls! We would meet together regularly to prep for Bible study and share life and encouragements. I honestly looked forward to every single time I was able to spend with Hannah! She is such a joy and a light.

You can be praying for Hannah this summer! She just landed in Japan a few hours ago. She and 6 other men and women are part of a summer mission trip team with the Navigators who are going to be working with and ministering to college students at Utsunomiya University. To learn more about her summer visit this link: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_111766245571142&view=doc&id=111767128904387. Pray for Hannah's (and her whole team's) safety in Japan, for deep relationships to be cultivated with the Japanese students, and opportunities to share the Gospel. Please also continue to pray for the Japanese as many have lost so much and many loved ones in the devastating earthquake in March. Pray that this would be an opportunity to share with students about God's great love for them; pray that their hearts would be softened, and not hardened.

Tiffany. Tiffany, a senior, and I started meeting at the beginning of the spring semester. She was finishing her last semester at Florida State and starting to think about life after graduation. Since I have recent experience in this area, we met once a week to talk and pray about the future, fears, life, and how God plays the central role in it all. We talked about how to trust God when life seems so uncertain and full of questions, got in His word together, and prayed about all the possibilities available to Tiffany.

Great news! Tiffany graduated 3 weeks ago and God has provided a job for her! She just started working at a doctor's office here in Tallahassee last week. This is such an answer to prayer. She will be able to work, gain experience, trust God, and remain in community with her friends from school. Pray for her relationships with her co-workers, that God would use her as a light in the work field.

Emily. Emily, a junior, and I met together all year, spending time in God's word and learning how to apply it to our lives. Honestly, it was such sweet time because it always centered around the Bible; we read, shared and prayed Scripture together. Emily is an awesome young woman who has a heart for God's word and for people. I'm excited to continue to grow with her next year!

This summer, Emily is interning with CMT in Nashville, TN! You can pray that God would use her as a light in the lives of the other interns and co-workers. Pray also that God would provide a good community of believers through the local church for her. Pray for her heart and her personal time with God; she's on her own and away from friends and family.

Ruthie. Ruthie, a freshman, and I met a couple times together at the end of the spring semester. I shared in earlier posts that she recently suffered the great loss of her brother. We spent some really sweet time processing, grieving, praying, and reading God's word. She has a beautiful heart, but is definitely hurting from this loss.

Please pray for Ruthie. She is taking a trip to Costa Rica- so pray for her safety on this trip. She will also be spending time at home, so please also pray for this- it's the first time she will be spending an extended time at home since her brother passed away. Pray for her heart, that God would continue to heal her and draw her closer to Himself in this season of grief.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your continued prayers for these students! I am blessed by each one of them. It has been such a great experience joining what the Lord is doing at Florida State and ministering to each of their needs. I couldn't be doing this without your prayers and support!

As for me, I will be spending the next few weeks in Tallahassee working on funding, as well as taking a trip down to Tampa and Orlando. I will be spending the month of July in Pigeon Forge, TN working with college students at the Summer Training Program. These students have been given the opportunity to spend their summer investing in their relationship with God by working full time at Dollywood and ministering to co-workers, growing together with a team of guys or girls, studying the Bible, growing in leadership, and sharing the Gospel. I am so excited to see what this summer holds!

Please pray for my funding (stories to come!) and travels. If God has led you to give, follow this link: http://www.navigators.org/us/staff/dempsey (thank you!!). Pray also for my heart as I continue to process. I'm looking to meet with a counselor here in Tallahassee; please pray that God would provide the right one. I'm also having to begin thinking about what the year after this one will look like; pray for guidance and peace about the future.

That's all for now! Keep checking for updates (there are a lot more to come!).

Beautiful Things

Listen. Enjoy. Reflect.

Beautiful Things
by Gungor




All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

The Wilderness

I set out for Fort Myers a couple weeks ago. As many of you know, going there is like revisiting one of the most painful parts of my life. Everything, every place, holds memories of a life I once lived, a life that has been drastically transformed into something completely different than I ever expected. Going back there is never easy, and this trip was especially difficult. It was the last trip to mom's house to complete the work needed to be done before our renters moved in: cleaning, selling and storing the cars, making sure the electricity and plumbing are working, changing the locks, and the final trips to Goodwill- letting go of more of my childhood, dropping off pieces of my mom at the thrift store. This was the last time I would ever see my mom's house the way it looked as I grew up. Not a fun trip.

I knew it would be challenging, so on the way down I began memorizing some scripture that God has laid on my heart this semester. This season is what I would call 'The Wilderness.' It's dark and unfamiliar, lots of thorns and uneven ground. There are two verses that describe this season well. The first is found in Hosea:

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her."
Hosea 2:14

The Lord has allured me and brought me into this wilderness: I didn't enter in by my own choice. But there is hope: He promises to speak tenderly to me, and he has. I can't quite describe how much this season has impacted my relationship with God. The only reason I'm still standing is by his strength. He has been faithful to provide His word as nourishment just as I need it. I know my Lord more intimately than I ever have before this wilderness, and for that I wouldn't trade it.

The hope continues in the second verse he gave me:

"Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning on her beloved?"
Song of Solomon 8:5

This wilderness won't last forever, but the grace I've experienced within it I will never forget. So much changes in the wilderness; God uses these times to test us, to develop within us endurance, character and hope (Romans 5: 3-4). In fact, so much has changed that people ask 'who is that?' God transforms us in the wilderness to a point where we are unrecognizable. And what's more, and most important, I will come up leaning on my Beloved. This season has taught me more than a lifetime's worth of what it means to depend on God, and that is worth a lifetime in the wilderness.

Good Friday

What makes this Friday so good? That's been the question on my mind all day. Life is still stressful. The world is still fallen. I am still broken. What's so good about today?

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of many sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." (Isaiah 53:3)

Christ suffered on this day many years ago.

"The Son of Man will be betrayed to the chief priests and teachers of the law." (Mark 10:33)

Despised. Rejected. Betrayed. Relational suffering.

"They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles..." (Mark 10:33)

Condemned to death, a social outcast, rejected. Social suffering.

"...who will mock him and spit on him..." (Mark 10:34)

Mocked. Ridiculed. Avoided. Mental suffering.

"...flog him and kill him." (Mark 10:34)

Sorrow. Torture. Death. Physical suffering.

Jesus endured it all. He was a man of many sorrows. So why is this considered good?

Mark 10:34 ends with this:

"Three days later he will rise."

He rose again! "Death has been swallowed up in victory. 'Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?'" (1 Corinthians 15: 54-55)

And Isaiah 53:4-6 says this:

"Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all."

Today is Good Friday because Christ took my place. I should have been the one suffering, but he carried my sorrows for me. Stricken. Smitten. Afflicted. Pierced. Crushed. Punished. Wounded. That should have been reserved for me, but Christ stepped in between me and what I deserved. Today we celebrate! Though he was crucified, he defeated death and rose again! The only way we can celebrate Easter Sunday is because of Good Friday.

Jesus, I praise you.

We praise Thee, O Lord Jesus, Thou didst come

We praise Thee, O Lord Jesus, Thou didst come,
The way into God's presence to reveal.
We worship Thee that Thou didst leave Thy throne,
To come as our High Priest with sin to deal.
Lord Jesus, Thou hast offered Thine own blood,
And settled once for all our peace with God.

Thy blood has now been sprinkled on the throne
In full redemption for Thy people's sin.
The sweetness of the love that Thou hast shown
Has ris'n to fill the holiest place within.
And by the blood once offered in that place
God flows to us in mercy and in grace.

Yet, Lord, Thou camest not just to atone,
But Thou didst come and bear our sins away.
We, with a conscience purged, approach the throne,
For all our sins were laid on Thee that day.
Thou, separated from the Father's face,
Didst pay the awful price for us in grace.

The way into God's presence thus is cleared,
For ransomed sinners who have heard Thy call.
Thou, Lord, hast taken all that we had feared
When Thou didst shed Thy blood and give Thine all;
Our heart in grateful praise to Thee we bind,
And now our life in Thee alone we find.

The Point of It All

I woke up this morning to spend a half day with God, not knowing exactly where that would take me. I just finished reading Job (so good!), and had been feeling a tug in the direction of Ecclesiastes. So that's where I began.

What is it about this book that draws me in? Honestly, it's the author's attitude and raw view of the world. Though I can rejoice in the midst of adversity, I still struggle with wondering what the point of it all is. I long to understand God's purpose, even though I know his ways are above mine. Meaningless! It's all meaningless! That's the summary phrase for the book of Ecclesiastes, and that's what drew me in.

"What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun... I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind."
Ecclesiastes 1:9, 14

Nothing new? Vanity? Well then, really, what is the point? I think Ecclesiastes has a way of offering a good perspective. I was reminded of this perspective as I began to read this morning. It brought me back to when God started transforming my perspective on life, when I was faced with death for the first time. I can remember when mom was diagnosed, that's when it started to happen, this change in view. Somehow it slowly grew, especially after she slipped away and I was left full of a million questions about life, death, and God's purpose in it all. I started to realize how meaningless so much of what I had been striving after really was. A chasing after the wind.

Ecclesiastes is saturated with this word "vanity" (or "meaningless," depending on the translation). So what does it mean? It is defined as a "lack of real value; hollowness; worthlessness; trivial or pointless." It is translated from the Hebrew word "hebel" which means "vapor, breath." It is used 36 times in 30 verses in Ecclesiastes. James 4:14 immediately came to mind:

"yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."

How much of our lives would fall under this category of vanity if we truly stopped to analyze it? Well, when you are faced with the fragility and fleeting reality of life, you begin to analyze. In Hebrews, the author is writing about a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and writes in 12:26-29:

"At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, 'Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.' This phrase, 'Yet once more,' indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."

The fire removes impurities. God intends for the impurities in our lives to be removed, and he uses adversity to do this. So then what remains? God, His word, and the souls of men- those are the three things eternal. What became precious in my life were the moments that I wanted to capture in a glass bottle to relive over and over. Reading John with mom, her hugs, brushing her hair... And later that summer, riding bikes with Ben over the Washington hills, driving down Tennessee roads in the open jeep, jumping off cliffs and climbing mountains with Jackie... Those memories are precious because of the people, and because of how I experienced the goodness of God in the simple pleasures of life.

I just started reading Don't Waste the Pain by David and Linda Lyons. It's a beautiful book on loss. In it, David writes from his journal as his twelve year old son battles cancer,

"pain is the tool God uses to carve out the crucible of our hearts so they have a greater capacity for joy."

I put off reading this book for months, knowing very well that it would stir up emotions. But I know how important it is to go to those places of pain in order to heal and be made available for God to use. This reminded me so much of what Jerry Sittser writes about in A Grace Disguised (so far my favorite book on loss). I read this book a year ago in the months following my first loss. I remember turning each page to find the groanings of my heart already expressed. Of course, each experience is unique and I have plenty of thoughts to add, but this concept he wrote about, this expansion of the soul, was something I desperately wanted and had been trying to express for months. Jerry writes,

"...tragedy can increase the soul's capacity for darkness and light, for pleasure as well as for pain, for hope as well as for dejection. The soul contains a capacity to know and love God, to become virtuous, to learn truth, and to live by moral conviction. The soul is elastic, like a balloon. It can grow larger through suffering. Loss can enlarge its capacity for anger, depression, despair and anguish, all natural and legitimate emotions whenever we can experience loss. Once enlarged, the soul is also capable of experiencing greater joy, strength, peace, and love. What we consider opposites- east and west, night and light, sorrow and joy, weakness and strength, anger and love, despair and hope, death and life- are no more mutually exclusive than winter and sunlight. The soul has the capacity to experience these opposites, even at the same time."

Wow. I didn't wake up this morning planning to revisit all of these thoughts. I know I needed this reminder, though. I still don't have a full picture of what God is doing. David Lyons writes,

"Truly great people often have a preface of pain. God often places His choice ones in the fire and on the anvil, hammering them into what they will need to be in the need of the hour."

So far, I have rejoiced in the journey, especially seeing how God has allowed me to minister to those who have experienced or are currently experiencing the pain of loss and grief. Coming onto a college campus, I wasn't sure that I would be able to minister directly out of my own experience of loss. How many college students have faced this? Well, more than I expected. I am co-leading our freshmen Bible study with a junior who has lost her father to cancer. And just last week I met with a freshmen whose brother died only last semester. We sat together sharing our stories, and I was able to pass on what the Lord has taught me about the road of suffering. I was able to encourage her that it does get easier, that God will use this, and that there is no right way to grieve. We prayed together, and oh how my soul expanded in those moments when I saw just a glimpse of God's goodness in His great plan. Though He has allowed much adversity and grief, I am SO thankful for how God has already begun to use it in my life, and how he is using it to minister to the lives of others at Florida State.

"Give me a sign of your goodness"

Endurance and Patience with Joy

This semester we are studying Colossians in our Bible study. It has been a great prescription for a challenging season. Paul writes in Colossians 1:11,

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy."

and it has stuck with me all semester. Endurance? Check. I can do that, even when it's not easy. Patience? Well, ok, I can be patient. Sometimes. The original meaning of patience in the Greek text is "long suffering; steadfastness." Paul's prayer for the Colossians, and God's desire for us, is that we would be patient in suffering, not wishing it away. I'm learning to be patient, knowing full well that when I see the glory of the Lord it will be worth it. But what about this joy? Patience...with joy? This has been a conviction all semester!

What does it look like to be patient with joy? How often do we complain when things are difficult or when circumstances don't go exactly according to plan? That brings no pleasure to God. I'm reminded of the example Christ has set for us. Hebrews 12: 1-2 says,

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

Christ endured so much adversity in his life, and it culminated as he approached the cross. But he looked beyond the cross and was able to see how God was going to use it to accomplish his great work in bringing many sons to glory.

"For it was fitting that he, for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation perfect through suffering." Hebrews 2:10

It was through this suffering that Christ was made perfect to carry out God's redemptive plan! What a reminder. What an encouragement. Looking to Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith, I can be confident that God is using adversity in our lives to bring about his glory.

Romans 8:28-29 has been a constant encouragement as well:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."

We can rest assured that God is at work bringing all things together in accordance with his pleasure and will. And he never allows anything to occur that is outside of his will. So why all this adversity? Why would a good and loving God allow so much heartache? Couldn't he have prevented the deaths of my parents? Surely this was not beyond his sovereignty. Christ was made perfect through suffering, so who am I that I should expect to avoid it? God intends that I be conformed to the likeness of his Son; I can't very well circumvent the means by which I am conformed to be more like Christ, can I?

On this topic Jerry Bridges writes,

"The good that God works for in our lives is conformity to the likeness of His Son. It is not necessarily comfort or happiness but conformity to Christ in ever-increasing measure in this life and in its fullness in eternity.
We see this same thought in Hebrews 12:10, 'Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness.' To share in God's holiness is an equivalent expression to being conformed to the likeness of Christ. God knows exactly what he intends we become and He knows exactly what circumstances, both good and bad, are necessary to produce that result in our lives.
The purpose of God's discipline is not to punish us but to transform us. He has already meted out punishment for our sins on Jesus at Calvary: 'The punishment that brought us peace was upon him' (Isaiah 53:5). But we must be transformed more and more into the likeness of Christ. That is the purpose of discipline."
~Trusting God

I've got to run, but there's still so much more God has been doing! I'll write again soon.