I hate how it causes me to stress- about the future, ministry, finances, my calling. I hate when my focus shifts off of God and onto the goal to raise. I hate the lies that surface every time I sit down to work on fund raising. I hate the fears it causes to swell up inside of me. I hate that feeling in my gut as soon as I pick up the phone. I hate the waiting game!
How, then, is it possible for me to love this process too? I love the stories I get to share, the lives I get to be a part of, the people I get to pray for, the miracles I get to witness. I love the friends I get to catch up with. I love the opportunity to depend wholly on God to provide. I love the challenge I experience in fund raising. The faith challenge, when the impossible becomes possible. I love how it pushes me to the edge (no pun intended) of myself. I love how God uses this as a tool to carve out new depths of trust in my heart. I love watching Him work, leaving me utterly speechless. I love that no matter how hard I work, it's never me that makes it happen. It's Him, always Him.
Obviously the good outweighs the bad, but this process is still difficult. To all my EDGE friends, be encouraged: the Lord provides. I wanted to share one story to encourage our hearts.
Last summer, as I embarked for the first time on this fund raising journey, I felt humbled but certain that God had called me to this and that He would provide. I was so encouraged by my friends' love and support, and how the gifts started coming in. It was a slow process, slower than some, and I began to wonder why the Lord wasn't providing what it was I needed in order to be on campus full time. I had to pull back and reduce my budget, and was at first very discouraged. Though that's not what I had planned, I knew that in this, too, God was calling me to trust Him.
It felt like this was the most unloving thing God could do to me: call me into full time ministry, to leave behind everything, and then not provide for me. But I didn't know the future; what at the time seemed so unloving, was actually the most loving thing God could have done for me. When my personal life took a nose dive with the loss of my grandfather and my dad in the same week, I had freedom to say no to certain things, time to grieve and heal.
"He brought me out into a spacious place;He gave me the gift of space. He wasn't withholding anything good from me. Though at the time I thought I knew how it was supposed to look and what my needs were, God knew so much more. He rescued me because he delighted in me.
he rescued me because he delighted in me."
Psalm 18:19
I continued to raise support throughout the whole year, gifts continually coming in, many of them surprising me. I lost count of how many times I looked online or opened a letter with a check and my jaw nearly hit the floor. I crept slowly closer to my budget, by the grace of God. About a month ago, we wrapped up ministry on campus as students finished their finals and headed home for summer. I had 4 trips to take in 3 weeks; my car was packed and I was ready to hit the road. I opened my computer to check my email and decided to check my gifts online as well. God did the impossible. On my very last day in Tallahassee, I had a couple unexpected gifts. I entered them in, and would you believe I reached 100% of my budget? I serve a mighty and faithful God. He provided everything I needed, to the dollar, to the day.
Of course, now with the funding year beginning all over, I'm starting at the bottom again. Discouraged? Not at all. The Lord saw me to 100% only a month ago. It took all year, but that meant that every single day I was depending on Him to provide, and I have full confidence that He will do it again. Though, when it comes to His provision, I've learned not to put God in a box. Here's to another year of witnessing miracles!
If you would like to give online, follow this secure link to my personal Navigator staff page: http://www.navigators.org/us/staff/dempsey.
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