The Wilderness

I set out for Fort Myers a couple weeks ago. As many of you know, going there is like revisiting one of the most painful parts of my life. Everything, every place, holds memories of a life I once lived, a life that has been drastically transformed into something completely different than I ever expected. Going back there is never easy, and this trip was especially difficult. It was the last trip to mom's house to complete the work needed to be done before our renters moved in: cleaning, selling and storing the cars, making sure the electricity and plumbing are working, changing the locks, and the final trips to Goodwill- letting go of more of my childhood, dropping off pieces of my mom at the thrift store. This was the last time I would ever see my mom's house the way it looked as I grew up. Not a fun trip.

I knew it would be challenging, so on the way down I began memorizing some scripture that God has laid on my heart this semester. This season is what I would call 'The Wilderness.' It's dark and unfamiliar, lots of thorns and uneven ground. There are two verses that describe this season well. The first is found in Hosea:

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her."
Hosea 2:14

The Lord has allured me and brought me into this wilderness: I didn't enter in by my own choice. But there is hope: He promises to speak tenderly to me, and he has. I can't quite describe how much this season has impacted my relationship with God. The only reason I'm still standing is by his strength. He has been faithful to provide His word as nourishment just as I need it. I know my Lord more intimately than I ever have before this wilderness, and for that I wouldn't trade it.

The hope continues in the second verse he gave me:

"Who is that coming up from the wilderness,
leaning on her beloved?"
Song of Solomon 8:5

This wilderness won't last forever, but the grace I've experienced within it I will never forget. So much changes in the wilderness; God uses these times to test us, to develop within us endurance, character and hope (Romans 5: 3-4). In fact, so much has changed that people ask 'who is that?' God transforms us in the wilderness to a point where we are unrecognizable. And what's more, and most important, I will come up leaning on my Beloved. This season has taught me more than a lifetime's worth of what it means to depend on God, and that is worth a lifetime in the wilderness.