Sacrifices

I've very recently had the opportunity to reflect on sacrifice. It's something that is required of us; in any relationship, in any choice we make there is always some element of sacrifice. It's part of life and it's part of love. Christ made this evident in the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.

I knew full well going into ministry was going to require sacrifice, how could it not? I was ready and willing to make the necessary sacrifices expected. Giving up a secure job. Check. Leaving familiar places and faces. Check. Letting go of comforts such as my own room. Check. But what about the unexpected sacrifices, the ones that really matter, the ones that test our faith?

Let me explain. I have a sweet and wonderful pet dachshund named Tina. Now Tina is not just some ordinary pet dog. Tina belonged to my mom. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, Tina was more than just a pet; she provided her with therapy, with comfort, with a friend. I couldn't always be at home with my mom because she wished for me to finish my degree in Tampa so that she could see me graduate from college, but I always knew that my mom was never alone because she had Tina; this dog literally never left her side. At the end of my mom's life, she started growing worried about what was going to happen to this dog after she passed away- naturally she wanted to make sure she was well taken care of and had a loving home. As I tried to think of who would take the best care of her, I ended up realizing that I'd really love to keep her. I told my mom that she didn't have to worry, I promised her that I was going to take care of Tina.

It goes without saying that this year has been a difficult one. My mom will always be the most significant loss of my life, and it has changed me forever. But somehow, I've made it through one year, made it through all of the "firsts." The first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas, the first birthdays, the first Mother's day, not to mention the first big decisions without her. But I haven't done it alone; I've had wonderful friends to help me along the way, including Tina. In a year of darkness, Tina has always been a piece of sunshine. I come home from a long day of work, Tina is there to greet me with a wagging tail. If I'm missing my mom, Tina is there to cuddle with and hold close. If I need to get out of the house, she's always ready for a walk! She has become so special to me because just as she was there for my mom when she was sick, Tina has been there for me as I've walked through this year. She is one last piece of my mom that I have to hold onto. She honestly has brought so much joy into my life this year.

So as we are planning for next year's housing arrangements, we will be renting a home from former FSU staff, and their house is a no-dog zone. Part of me knew this was a possibility, but I was just trusting the Lord with it, not worrying too much about it, or even thinking much about it- it was out of my hands, so what could I do? I found out over the weekend that I couldn't bring her with me, and I was absolutely crushed. I was immediately overcome with an overwhelming flood of emotions. All of a sudden I was faced with the greatest sacrifice I must make so far of this journey. Honestly, it brought back so many of the emotions I've tried so hard to forget. A rush of sadness and loss came over me as I stood there trying to digest this piece of information. I was brought back again to how I felt last year when my mom passed away; giving up Tina, even if only for a time, feels so much like losing my mom all over again. I already did that once, and these feelings stirred by this reality made it feel like God is having me do it a second time. Having to come to grips with this loss just reminds me so much of everything I've already lost. I was faced with one more loss, one more thing to grieve, and after all I've already lost I just felt like screaming, "No! Enough! I can't take this anymore!" Haven't I been through enough Lord? I'm so tired, physically, emotionally, spiritually, of grieving and loss. Must I give up Tina too? And I began to realize shortly after that I was beginning to believe I was letting my mom down, breaking the promise I had made to her before she passed away that I would take care of Tina. How can I live with that?

I've had a couple days to process, and a couple days to spend with Tina. I know in my head that I am not breaking any promises and that my mom would never hold this against me, she would understand. And she cared infinitely more for me than any dog. I'm praying now that someone in Tallahassee would be willing to take in a sweet dog for a while- we'll see how God will provide for this as well.

I've also spent some time reflecting on Scripture to see what God has to say about this, and three passages come to mind. The first passage I was brought to was Genesis 22: Abraham's sacrifice of his only son:

"Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied. Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you." (Genesis 22:1-5)

God tested Abraham. Whenever we are faced with great sacrifices in our lives, we can assume there is some test included in it. God wants to stretch us to the limit to see how far we are willing to go in obedience to him. If you think about it, when you're trying to stretch something, it becomes more elastic each time you pull the two ends. In the same way, each time God stretches us, we become more elastic, more flexible, and more willing to go further than the last time.

I was struck by Abraham's attitude here. God called him to sacrifice his son. His only son. His very precious son whom he loves. You know, the son through whom God had made this promise: "He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." (Genesis 15:5). But Abraham doesn't gripe and complain and get angry at God. No, he simply gets up early the next morning and sets to work following God's instructions. Why? Because he trusted God! He believed God's promise was true and if God made that promise, He was going to keep it. It may not have made very much sense to him that God would call him to sacrifice the very son he had given him, through whom he was planning on creating nations. But Abraham didn't have to understand, he just had to remain faithful and obedient.

If we continue to read on in Genesis 22, we see that God spares Isaac and blesses Abraham for his faithfulness:

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."(verse 9-12)

I love Abraham's response! For the second time he simply replies, "Here I am." Wow. I need to be like that. Whenever God calls, even when he calls me to follow through challenges, hardships, losses and sacrifices, I should always remain available to him with a simple, "Here I am."

And what happens next? God himself provided the sacrifice! I love what Abraham calls the mountain where all of this took place: The LORD Will Provide. Amen. That's all I can say, especially as I continue to watch the Lord provide for me. I trust the Lord will provide a home for Tina.

So just what was this promise that God made to Abraham?

"The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."(verse 15-18)

So, because of Abraham's obedience, we are blessed! That is no measly pinky promise! God promises us big things, but we must believe him for it.

The second passage that comes to mind is The Cost of Being a Disciple in Luke 14.

Jesus starts it out with this:

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." (verse 25-27)

Wow, he doesn't waste any time at all. Tina may be important to me, but she's not my mom, and God calls us to leave even our mother behind. He calls to leave behind our very life. I cannot hold on to anything in this life if I am going to follow Christ. Everything must be held with an open hand.

Jesus goes on,

"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' (verse 28-30)

As Jesus explains here, before we commit to something, we must be sure we are willing to follow it through with all of the necessary sacrifices it will require. There is a serious Cost for commitment. There always is. Like I said, when I committed to this ministry, I knew it included sacrifice. Can I now at this point turn around and say, "No, that cost is too great"? If I do, then I was never committed to begin with.

When we make decisions like this one, we must ask ourselves, does the gain outweigh the cost? So what am I gaining here in giving up something I love? I cannot tell you their names yet, but every student I meet on campus and God allows me to impact, I am gaining that as a reward. Many students who might not know the Lord yet are about to step on campus in the fall and come into contact with me or some other member of my team and might be introduced to Him for the very first time. Is that worth the cost? Every penny.

Jesus goes on in this passage in verse 33,

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

Pow. There are no loop holes here. If God calls us to sacrifice something, if we are truly his disciple, there is no question about what we should do. So I ask myself, do I really want to be the Lord's disciple? And my answer is undeniably YES.

And the last piece of Scripture is not any one verse or passage; it's the central figure of it all- Christ. I am reminded of Jesus in the Garden:

"Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39)

Jesus prayed that if there be some other way, then that would be great. But above all, he prayed for the Lord's will to be done, even if that meant the greatest sacrifice of all: his life. Jesus laid down everything. He laid down his life for me, how can I not lay down this sacrifice for his sake? Jesus traded his his life for mine, is he not worthy of every sacrifice I am capable of making? He is worthy. Jesus faced death on my behalf, so that I would never have to face it. He experienced every loss, every betrayal, every pain, every suffering, every mocking, every humiliation. He endured separation from God so that I would never have to. There is no sacrifice I could ever make that would even compare. Praise God for his obedience. Is it not crazy to think that if Jesus had not been obedient, then none of this would even matter because I would have no hope at all? No hope. But Jesus is obedient, and he is faithful, which means that there is hope- and it is this very hope that I seek to offer to students on campus next year!

So that's where I am. Facing a sacrifice, but one worth making. It is no less difficult to make, but as Abraham said, "Here I am." I am willing to lay down whatever it costs. There is so much more to be said on this topic, and perhaps I will continue to reflect on it in days to follow. Stay tuned.