A Valid Birth

Today is my birthday. I was born on this day over a quarter of a century ago. Or was I?

That is the question I was faced with this week. I went to apply for my passport for this summer, but was discouraged first by the forms I had to fill out. They asked for my parents' names and DOBs; I left it blank, assuming since they have passed away, that it didn't matter. The lady helping me said I still had to fill it out. No big deal, except I hate the bitter reminder of their deaths.

The couple right before me were here to get their marriage license. I wish that's why I came, I think as I fill out my parents' information, trying not to feel sad. Comparison, a hateful friend of mine.

All seems to be going fine after this, when I ask her a question regarding my current passport. I received one 7 years ago, so it should still be good, but there is a note in the back that says it expired 6 years ago. She looks over my passport and asks to see my birth certificate. I hand it over and she says, "I'm sorry but your birth certificate isn't valid, so neither is your passport." Confused, I ask why and she explains, "It's missing your parents' names on it."

A dagger, straight to my heart. Has she any idea the pain she is causing me right now? I barely hear her tell me I have to send away for a new birth certificate before I can apply for my passport, as I fight back tears.

Not valid? My birth certificate? Because my deceased parents' names are missing? Was my birth not valid either? Who am I? These are the questions that flood my mind, assailing my heart, my identity. I hurriedly gather my things and rush out, bursting into tears as I walk alone back to my car.

Alone. All alone in this big world. That's how I feel. Does anyone care? Does anyone love me? Am I wanted? Am I valuable? Am I valid?

God must have known I would need a birthday this week. Two days later, I am reminded of the answers to these questions. A wonderful couple from church threw a birthday party for me; I invited friends from every circle here in Tallahassee. Friends, food, love, laughter. I don't deserve all this. I stay after to help clean up and talk with the couple who hosted it. They encourage me, tell me they love me and want me to feel a part of their family. They know they can't replace my parents, and they don't try to, but they want to love me as best they can. They pray for me before I leave, heart filled.

The day before my birthday, my brother calls, wanting to visit. How thankful I am the Lord answered my prayer and brought Ben and Heidi to Jacksonville. Now we can just take a day trip to see each other! I can't wait. My heart is filled again. I talk to my best friend, and she shares that though we are coming together this weekend for our friend's wedding, they also want to have a celebration for me. My heart keeps growing.

As if all that's not enough, I'm overwhelmed today by friends' sweet words, their calls and messages. I get a birthday massage (SO good) and return home just in time to receive flowers in the mail from Ben and Heidi! What a great day!

But what means the most, is the love note from my Heavenly Father. I woke up this morning and see my favorite picture of my parents, hanging above my bed. Their faces smiling, married and happy. This was long ago, before my brother and I were born. I have proof here of their happiness, even if I don't have the memories. Mom is laughing. I can hear it.

I open my Bible to read today's Scripture on my year-reading plan. I come to this verse:

"Is He not your Father, your Creator, who made you and formed you?"
Deuteronomy 32:6

A reminder. Of His love. On my birthday, of all days. Only, I'm a couple days ahead, so this is actually supposed to be read on my mom's birthday. My heart continues to fill. As I read my Creator's words, I am reminded of His love, His care. My mom loved me more than words could express. I try to believe my dad did too, he just didn't know how to show me. But they weren't the ones that made or formed me. My Father knit me together, formed me carefully and uniquely, with intent, with purpose. I am not forgotten. How could I be? He who forms cannot forget the work of His hands. He will never abandon me. The Lord says in Isaiah 49:15,

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!"

So, even though the week started off with questions, it ends in answers. I am loved. I am valid. I am valuable. Praise the Lord.